You would come across individuals with the sharpest of minds, photographic memory or authority of command, but seldom know anyone like her who would have all these virtues. Nothing could miss her sharp eye. You could be in the fool’s paradise if you thought that she had not noted something which we would try to hide from her. But there was seldom anything that missed her attention. She had a special penchant for relationships. One could say that all children would think similarly about their mothers, but this was a consensus opinion of everyone who knew her. Everyone fondly remembers her as someone who was very warm, loving and friendly. In fact, her son-in-law often commented that she would make the finest of CEOs. One can imagine what would have been her persona if she had got the best of education a privilege that we all take for granted these days.
She was born on 9th Sepetember 1934 in a lovely family with 3 brothers and 2 sisters. The family had to go through the pain of migration during the partition. Her loving father thought that this was a temporary measure and hence took the immediately available accommodation in Nabha near Patiala. But as was destined, they had to settle there permanently, switching the occupation from a flourishing gold businessman to a commission agent.
She grew up in Nabha in a joint family and did her education there. She had special bondages with not only the immediate but the bigger family including Uncles and Aunties as well as their children. This was probably the reason why she valued relationships throughout her life and is so well remembered by all relatives and friends. She would also do kirtan with her cousin in the gurudwara next doors.
She got married at a young age and moved to Shimla. They had financial difficulties, since Dad used to contribute part of his salary to his family as he had lost his father early. However, they made the best of available resources and enjoyed their time with friends and relatives. Shimla was an ideal place to picnic, go for long walks, make friends and be merry.
They planned to go the family way. However, it was a painful start, when they lost there first offspring during a difficult delivery in Nurpur, where her in-laws were settled. The medical facilities were not well developed in the town then. Subsequently they were blessed with a daughter in a hospital in Shimla.
They moved from Shimla to Dhanbad (now in Jharkhand) where Dad was sent on deputation. Their son was born here. They had a brief stay in Dugdha (again in Jharkhand) before Dad was posted to Ranchi. They had perhaps the best time of there life here.
Home making is a profession and she had mastered it to perfection. Her culinary skills, home décor within the available resources and management of the domestic helps were par excellence. More importantly their parenting was superlative with attention to the minutest detail. Despite the financial strain mentioned earlier, there was no compromise on the best available schooling for the children. In the process they had to be misers when spending on themselves and compromise substantially on their aspirations. It was a closely knit family and when the daughter had to move to Chandigarh for higher education, the pain of separation was deeply palpable and visible on both the parents.
Her socializing virtues blossomed here. This was evident from the fact that when Dad got transferred to Delhi in 1978, for more than two months no meals were cooked at home since there were invites from friends from all over the colony. In the last fortnight breakfasts and evening teas were also booked.
From a highly social lifestyle in Ranchi, there was a sea change in Delhi. Here not not many were open to socializing and it hence got limited to a few families in the neighbourhood. The financial hardships increased due to the increased cost of living in the capital city. But the topmost priority remained children education. Quality time continud to be spent with the family each day, whether it was during meals or after dinner walks or stroll to the vegetable /grocery market.
It was then the dreaded day in 1982 when Dad left for heavenly abode in a tragic road traffic accident and the family was very badly shattered. She had to take over the role as the head of the family, steer the family through the crisis, ensure that the wedding of the daughter already fixed a month later was not delayed and also support the son in the crucial Board exams round the corner. Financial constraints forced her to take the job offered to her by SAIL, the company for which Dad worked.
The struggle got escalated. She had to ensure that the son who had managed to get into medical school during the turmoil, could complete the medical graduation and then post graduation. They shifted from Rajouri Garden to the DDA flat that had been booked by Dad in Maya Enclave. Here she got an opportunity once again to hone on her socializing skills. The neighbourhood got closely knit as a larger family. She also was very popular in her office where virtually everyone seemed to know her. Life had gradually got back somewhat to Ranchi standards with the difference that she was working in addition to being a home maker. She got some cheers back in life when she got her son married in 1993 and then had a grandson in December 1994.
However, her social life got severely curtailed in 2001 when her son had to move to the campus of the hospital where he worked. With a limited number of residents on campus, there was hardly any company. But she still tried to make the best of what was available. She made friends with the staff, the patients and their attendants. She thus was “Jagat Aunty /Mataji” in the hospital as she had been before in her office. The telephone was a good mode of keeping in regular touch with friends and relatives. As she grew older, she needed help of care givers. She would keep Umaji and Lataji, her care givers and the domestic helps on their toes. However, she would also ensure that they were well taken care of. This became her extended family. The last years of her life were very tough on her due to medical illnesses. She started having bouts of respiratory distress and tachycardia which restricted her mobility severely. Despite all investigations and the best of medical advice, the exact diagnosis could not be determined. She needed non-invasive ventilation and was in and out of the ICU and the hospital. She collapsed while visiting her daughter in Patiala, had cardiorespiratory arrest and was pulse loss for quite a while till she reached the nearest ICU. However, within 1 hour she had pulled back and was asking for tea.
For the last year of her life she was on a ventilator through a tracheostomy peg, catheter and central line. But fighter that she was, she cheated death several times. Her daughter-in-law had a large role to play in that. In the last few months her bedroom became an Intensive Care Unit, with round the clock trained nurse, ayah, ventilatory, oxygen and infusion facilities. She finally breathed her last in her room on 22nd April.
Even while she was very ill, her value for her relationships and hospitality were very evident. Her face would light up whenever friends, relatives (especially her daughter and great daughter) visited her. She ensured that the visitors were offered cold drinks, beverages and refreshments. A few months before she breathed her last, when her grandson came from US, she gathered all energy to chat with him through the speaking valve and instructed the domestic help to cook his favourite dishes.
This illness depicted very well the fighter within her. This was acknowledged by all her doctors and allied health professionals. Despite the pain of the pricks, tracheostomy changes and the Malaise /constitutional symptoms, she never complained. Crying was not there in her agenda. She fought the illness valiant and had the will to live, probably because she wanted to ensure that the home and her near and dear ones were well taken care of. You would seldom ever see a fighter like her. MAA TUJHE SALAAM.
Audieu. Look forward to meet you up there.
